Closed

Six Months In Norwich turned to nine and then to twelve. My life in Norwich continues at:

http://richardfair.blogspot.com/

and

http://notesandqwertys.blogspot.com/

Getting the point

While I was sat in the Puppet Theatre on Wednesday evening waiting for a meeting to start, I was handed a box of blunt and broken pencils. I was also handed two pencil sharpeners; one broken and one blunt.

I struggled on and managed to get a point on most of them, but the sound and smell of sharpening pencils took me back to my pencil monitor days at school (I was the only pupil trusted with sharp objects).

So today I popped along to Jarrolds for something a little more sturdy than the usual fiddly sharpeners you get nowadays. And there it was; the Swordfish manual Pencil Sharpener with extendable front plate and auto-stop feature.

Not exactly the same as the one from school, but a similar model that works in the same way, gently feeding the pencil towards the rotating blades. And the sound and the smell.

I now have the pointiest pencils in Norwich and the satisfaction that my Saturday wasn't totally wasted.

I bought a self-inking Date Stamp as well, so I know what I'll be doing tomorrow... 

It's been a while

I have somewhat neglected the Blog for a few days and so my penance is a catch-up session that will give you a flavour of what life outside of work holds for me in this wonderful city.

Result #1

First of all (and I know I said I would never speak of it again, in fact I think I actually said it twice, but anyway) the John Lewis saga has drawn to a close; almost. I had a letter from their Customer Services Manager apologising for their shortcomings with regard to my online order. They admit total responsibility and are at pains to point out in detail how they failed with the very basics of customer service. The letter also included, as a ‘more tangible expression’ of his apology, a handful of shopping vouchers. A definite result in favour of the customer.

Result #2(ish)

A letter arrived from Borders in Chapelfield, Norwich in reply to my complaint about the sticky price labels on the New Yorker Magazine. I had pointed out that the cover art of the magazine in question was very much part of the whole experience and that randomly stuck bright orange stickers were unwelcome.

The manager of the shop wrote back with a detailed explanation as to why the stickers were there and an even more detailed guide as to the best way to remove them. This short extract deals with a larger, white label that is stuck on the bottom left hand corner of the magazine;

“The barcoded one is applied by the importer, as the original barcode does not register in the UK and therefore a new one is applied that works through our tills. This may come off if you soak it lightly with a damp cloth for a few seconds although there is a risk of water damage if too much is applied, so I would not recommend this unless you find it very offensive.”

WH Smiths

Perhaps worthy of another letter, I do find WH Smith’s policy to try and sell you chocolate very offensive. Every time I go in there to buy something they try and force feed me some kind of delicious confectionery at the till. Something is half price or on special offer because I’m standing on two feet or is discounted today only to our fat customers... Stop it.

Thanks for the plug

There was a time when you bought electrical goods and then had the excitement of not knowing if it had a plug on it until you got home. Now all new goods that need to be plugged onto the wall get the thing you plug it in with; a plug. Same this can’t be the same for batteries.

In the past couple of weeks I’ve bought three items that require a battery or batteries. Two came with the batteries included the third didn’t.

And while I’m moaning about electrical goods, I was in Curry’s Digital in Norwich on Wednesday. While I was in there looking at stuff, a chap came in asking about iPod docking stations. He was flash-mobbed by a dozen or so staff all keen to sell him the very best model they had. “What does it sound like?” Seemed like a reasonable question for him to ask. 

“Do you have your iPod with you?” came the reply. He didn’t. Much like I wouldn’t have expected him to have brought his girlfriends ears with him as he was actually buying it for her. “Have you not got an iPod here you could demonstrate it with?” he asked looking round the shelves of Curry’s Digital. “Not one we can use I’m afraid. I didn’t bring mine as I wasn’t on the bus today.”

It’s comforting to know that Curry’s Digital’s staff do their bit for the environment by using public transport from time to time. I just wonder if he’d had to walk to work that day because the Bus Driver turned up expecting the passengers to provide the bus.

Let’s end on a high

Shazam. What more can I say? Shazam is an iPhone App(lication) that helps you to identify any piece of music you hear playing. Sat in a cab, in a doctor waiting room (not in Curry’s Digital unless you take something to play it on), in a lift; where ever you hear music and are in desperate need to know what it is you just fire up the App(lication) and within seconds it gives you all details of the track.

Then, of yes the miracle doesn’t end there, it asks if you’d like to download it there and then from the iTunes Store. Fantastic.

It’s costing me a bloody fortune.

"Great venue for live music"

Not my words, but the words of either Miller or Moore.

We were all gathered at the Norwich Puppet Theatre for a benefit gig to help the theatre continue to get back on its feet.

So first up were Miller and Moore. They were blown on by a West Coast breeze that put me in mind of the Eagles. I half expected to be waving a cigarette lighter for Hotel California, however as far as I know the only cover they did was of a Bee Gees song that required no naked flames; or covering.

Then, after a short break while the stage was reset and the people behind me discussed the colour of their 'gummy' sweets, Huck appeared. Now I've not seen or heard Huck before, something that very quickly became something of an issue for me as they gave the best performance of the night. Normally thrashing around to a heavier sound, I read, Huck had gone all acoustic.

Matt Watson's vocals, at times nodding towards Kelly Jones (Sterophonics), were as crisp as his guitar playing and apart from a brushes malfunction by drummer Al Richardson, their set was perfectly balanced.

If I'd been heading home at that point I would have been more than happy with the value for money on the ticket, but it wasn't over yet and I still had a half a plastic glass of house red to finish off.

Next up The Steve Skaith Band.

Things didn't start well. The woman who plays the accordion for the band seemed to be having problems making the thing function properly. Lots of pointing, wire pulling, feedback, pinched expressions and more pointing before 'The Voice of Latin Quarter' and his band - which consisted one one other -  were ready. Sadly others were not. "The lighting guy isn't back yet. Shall we just start without him?" Which they did.

The sound continued to be an issue for Steve, but he soldiered on, sipping tea between songs and looking very relaxed. Inevitably he did an updated version of Radio Africa, which he tells us is about to be brought right up to date.

And that was the entertainment for the evening. Oh, apart from the photographer. What a pain in the arse he was, moving round the auditorium throughout the whole thing, swapping lenses and rolling around on the floor for some arty shots. I was rather hoping the woman with the accordion would lose her rag and throw the thing at him.

Delivery Day

The Parcel's Story
06/02/09 - 15:38:26   Sort Centre Droitwich Spa:   Sorted
07/02/09 - 06:12:35   Norwich Depot:   Received
07/02/09 - 06:50:35   Norwich Depot:   Loaded onto vehicle

My Story
06/02/09 - 15:02:37  Norwich:
Order placed. Slight excitement that it will be delivered in less than twenty-four hours.

07/02/09 - 02:48:46  Norwich:
Noise outside. Can't be delivery man, can it? Goes back to sleep.
07/02/09 - o3:01:01  Norwich:
What if it was someone taking something away rather than bringing something. Goes back to sleep.
04:21:33 - Toilet visit. Ponders sanity of purchase. Heads back to bed convinced I've done the right thing. Although...
05:30:00 - Birds outside wake me. Toilet visit.

07:19:21 - Wake suddenly. I've overslept and missed the delivery man. Check clock, it's only 07:19. Get up and check online tracking of parcel. It was loaded onto van half an hour ago. It could be here any minute.

08:11:34 - Someone on the radio talking about something totally unrelated to my parcel. Decide to risk toilet visit, "If he comes now, he comes now" I tell the window in the front room where's I've been stood for twenty minutes wondering if I dare risk a toilet visit.

08:24:08 - Check front step to see if parcel or card was left while in toilet.

08:46:11 - Risk shower. Leave all doors open so I can hear knock on front door.

08:48:00 - Leap out of shower, grab towel, run to door. No one there. False alarm. Return to shower which appears to have self-adjusted it's temperature.

09:52:33 - Give up on Guardian Quick crossword. Mind on other things. The parcel is bound to be here soon and then I can play.

10:43:26 - Washed up after breakfast. Washing in machine. Rubbish in bin. No parcel. Check online tracking of parcel. It was loaded onto van at 06:50:35.

11:32:13 - Rearranged living room slightly. Basically I've removed the table cloth and am now calling the dinner table 'my writing table'. Sit at my writing table and added church candle and matches to shopping list.

11:49:05 - Decide on an early lunch so that I'll still have time to go shopping after parcel arrives. Leaves all doors open so I can hear delivery man knock over sound of mushrooms frying. Check online tracking of parcel. It was loaded onto van at 06:50:35. Smoke alarm goes off. Panic, I can't hear anything other than the bloody smoke alarm. Check front door. Open back door. Smoke alarm stops. Check front door again.

12:17:45 - Check online tracking of parcel. It was loaded onto van at 06:50:35. Hang washing up. Close back door. Put heating on.

13:41:41 - Next door dogs barking. This is it.

13:42:10 - Wave to next door as they arrive back for somewhere.

14:01:20 - Check order for parcel to see if it really is meant to be delivered today. It is. Check online tracking of parcel. It was loaded onto van at 06:50:35. WD40 a couple of hinges.

14:43:56 - Check Twitter and Facebook. Get depressed reading about all the things other people are doing with their Saturday. Draw a picture of a van crashing off road into tree.

14:53:22 - Suddenly realise that Norwich are playing at home and van may be stuck in traffic. Or he may have actually had an accident. Screw up drawing. Check online tracking of parcel in case there's any mention of the the accident. The parcel was loaded onto van at 06:50:35
15:08:44 - Investigating strange smell. May be slippers again.
15:12:59 - Double checked the Order. Delivery could be any time up to 18.00. May have to chance another toilet trip soon. Not related to first item at 15:08.
15:15:08 - Check online tracking of parcel. 13:30:39 - Unable to deliver Address Query

15:16:08 - Call supply company. Tell my story. Told to call delivery company. Delivery company answerphone says that they close at 14.00 on a Saturday.

15:20ish - Call company company back. Tell them my story again. Told that they didn't have full postal address. I read out my full postal address from copy of their Order Receipt, also mentioning the fact that it states that delivery would be up to 18.00 on a Saturday. Told that there's nothing they can do until Monday when the delivery company... I interrupt to say that my contract is with them, not the delivery company. That I want my item delivered Monday morning - to the address on the Order Receipt and I want an immediate refund of £6.75 postage for Saturday delivery. Told that it is company policy not to refund postage until delivery is complete. I tell them that it is my policy not to shop with John Lewis Direct ever again.

16:08:33 - Finally starting to get my Saturday back into some sort of shape. Called O2 with PAC number so I can have my old number on my new phone. What a breath of fresh air that was. Phone should switch on Wednesday. Chatted with guy about SIM cards for a while. Stopped short of asking if he's on Twitter.

16:10:00- Looking up John Lewis Direct and Home Delivery Network addresses. They will be getting letters, although I suspect that even with the right postcode there's a chance they'll not get them.

Postscript to Parcel's Story
07/02/09 - 13:30:39 Norwich Depot:   Unable to deliver   Address query

Postscript to My Story
08/02/09 - 11:01:37 - Called in O2 shop for screen cover for iPhone. Spotted gadget I was expecting from JL. Bought gadget.

08/02/09 - 12:31:17 - Called JL and cancelled order.

Let us never speak of it again.

Final Postscript to My Story
09/02/09 - 10:51:01 - Home Delivery Network arrive with parcel. Sent away with parcel.

Now, really, no more mentions.

Getting on my pip

Shop Assistant: Can I help at all?
Me: Do you know if there's an Apple Store in Norwich?
SA: Is there something in particular you're looking for?
Me: Yes; an Apple Store.

SA: (Slight laugh) No, I meant is there something I could help you with?

Me: Well I was rather hoping you'd help by telling me if there's an Apple Store in Norwich.

SA: (laughs proper this time) I'm sorry, it's just that we do carry a lot of Apple stock here and...

Me: Is this the Apple Store?

SA: No. We just...

Me: Where is it?
SA: There isn't one. But we do...

There isn't an Apple Store in Norwich. I'm told the nearest could be Cambridge. But I do know a shop where they stock..... 

Dabble

I've been having a bit of a dabble on Twitter. I'm wondering if it would help with our promotion of the Norwich Puppet Theatre. I still need to explore more.

We're already looking at other Internet tools to help us get the message out about what's going on at the theatre and there's a new Facebook group launching very soon.

What I don't want to do is bombard people with Puppet Theatre stuff, but then again I don't want anyone to say, 'Oh we didn't know xyz was on...'

Rant

While I mention Twitter, there's a little thing that really bugs me about it. Most days you get a new Follower who, out of politeness, you go and have a look at their feed. See who they are and what they do. Nine point nine times out of ten they're ordinary folk just Tweeting away like everyone else.

But there are those who spoil it for everyone else. Their feed seems harmless enough. Then they send you a private message asking for some feedback about their blog - which you go to. Only it isn't a blog, it's a site about Co-Op Insurance (not to be confused with THE Co-Op). No, not porn or drugs to extend your stamina or body parts, but an advert for Co-Op Insurance. Needless to say he'll not be following me any more.

It's not so much the fact that the guy is using Twitter to promote his business, hey that's kinda what I want to do with the Puppet Theatre. It's just the stealth way he goes about it. "Please tell me what you think about my blog..." Well it stinks.

If you're having to hide it behind a so called blog what else are you trying to hide? Tosser.

Rant over

Pass me my milk and ginger biscuits. 

Afterthought
I bet there's an Internet word for the likes of him.